What I learned in class is…
Wow. Where to begin?
This week marks one month of being in CGA. Already the classes have been painfully challenging, but beautifully refining. We kicked off our first week on a retreat where we dove straight into discussing our real understanding of who God is. We based our conversations specifically on God as our Father using highlighted points from the book we read in preparation titled, “Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship” by Jack Frost. We confronted the core of our beliefs about God and about our identity as His children by reflecting on how we are realistically viewing God as a Father based on our experience versus who He says He is as a Father. We literally talked through all of our daddy issues for our first introduction together. (Woof! Talk about ripping off a band-aid and squirting lemons in the wound. It was a painful start!) There was time spent in healing and in wrestling through our doubting questions to get the “baggage” out of the way so that God could have a launching pad for our time in CGA.
In the following week we shifted from “Ok, we now know who our Father is.” to “…Now who does that make us?” by diving deep in to building firm foundations in our identity as adopted children and coheirs with Christ. We were taught tools for naming the problems, lies, and false identities we carry in order that we may address them and get rid of them. Our instructors taught us to recognize our sins with clearer vision, as well as then how to walk them boldly into the light so the enemy can’t keep his hold on us as we are working towards greater intimacy with God and building Kingdom. We were given space to face our fears of failure, worthiness, and responsibilities in front of the entire class. I personally learned how to better accept failure without allowing my identity to be up for grabs when it happens. I also learned more about the concept of what are things that go on my plate versus what is on other’s plates when it comes to living in community. (i.e. what are my responsibilities/concerns, and what are things that I do not allow to be placed on me.) Working through figuring out my identity was extremely challenging because, as I’ve recently learned, our brains don’t know the difference between being attacked by a bear and having anxiety about something. As we’ve walked through our greatest emotional fears, sharing with great amount of vulnerability in the safe boundaries set in CGA, I have had to choose to stay put when my brain and my body is ready run very, very far away. The reward of staying has been worth it though. God has gotten bigger and better with each day, and I already can see a solidifying foundation of my identity being built through the pressure.
For our most recent topics, we have started studying the verse “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” (Deuteronomy 6:5) We are doing a word study on what the scripture means by “heart, soul, and strength,” by going through a three week series with each word being a theme for the week. Starting with last week, we looked at “heart” (the Hebrew word “Levav”), which means our emotions, our thoughts, our dreams and desires. It encompasses what we normally consider our heart, in addition to including the mind. To love the Lord with all of our heart/mind we did workshops on topics like shame vs. hope, freedom, and self-care. This week we spent time reflecting on how we take care of our bodies. The second word, “soul” or “Nephesh” in Hebrew, surprisingly does not mean our spiritual being. It refers to our physical body. “Nephesh” was used many times in the Old Testament to refer to one’s throat, and is also the word that we typically translate into “I” or “me” when reading scripture. Therefore, when the verse says “with all of your soul” it actually means “with all of your literal, physical self.” Class time on Monday was spent climbing to a mountain top where we then reflected, praised, and celebrated the bodies that God has given us. (I know that sounds really weird, and maybe like we are a bunch of hippies or something, but when you spend all day conquering a MOUNTAIN you deserve a victory dance and a thanks to the Big Guy that gave you the legs to do it.) We also talked about nutrients and about changing our minds to viewing our bodies as gifts. Next week will launch the topic of “strength”, which actually has nothing to do with strength. The Hebrew word we translate into “strength” is “Me’od”, which better explained means “muchness” (i.e. everything else that isn’t covered in heart and soul).
CGA has already impacted how I’ve approached ministry in my everyday life. As I’ve been continuing my work at a Dunkin’ coffee shop, as well as now volunteering at a men’s homeless shelter once a week I have experienced greater love, greater boldness, and greater vision for Kingdom. Everyday I lose more and more of the insecurities like (but definitely not limited to) “I don’t know if I should ask them if I can pray over them, what if they say no?” “What if I offend them by sharing the gospel?”, or “They won’t want to hear about Jesus” or “What will happen if I give this thing away?”. More and more the concern becomes more about them and not me. The concerns have turned into “What if they don’t know that there is hope?” “What if they don’t have someone who is showing them how loved and valued they are?” “What if they never find out the Truth?”.
God is doing incredible, indescribable things in this season. I am being transformed into a new creation that is less shaken by the world and more rooted in Christ. I am excited to see and celebrate these victories and new strongholds being created in my life because of the gospel being planted in me. Our God is so cool.
